Hello all,
here is my newest short. please allow some time for it to download.
http://www.insomniacreations.com/bartol ... lthqb.html
thanks for viewing, -steve
NEW 16mm short
Moderator: Andreas Wideroe
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mattias
- Posts: 8356
- Joined: Wed May 15, 2002 1:31 pm
- Location: Gubbängen, Stockholm, Sweden
- Contact:
i liked it, especially how it really brought me back to my new york year. it took a while before i understood what was going on though. try to tell more of the story in the first half and leave the cool shots for later. they are indeed cool though. lots of great angles and lighting in there.
and then on to my pet peeve: the sound designer has a lot more work to do. if you decide to have sounds in the scene you have to have all sounds. if you hear people opening matchbooks but not how they breathe or sit down in leather armchairs (come on), then you're gonna lose the audience. and you need to filter the narrator so he doesn't sound so mic'ed. some eq and compression will probably do it.
i don't know if you will make another version, and if not i'll just congratulate you and look forward to your next effort.
/matt
and then on to my pet peeve: the sound designer has a lot more work to do. if you decide to have sounds in the scene you have to have all sounds. if you hear people opening matchbooks but not how they breathe or sit down in leather armchairs (come on), then you're gonna lose the audience. and you need to filter the narrator so he doesn't sound so mic'ed. some eq and compression will probably do it.
i don't know if you will make another version, and if not i'll just congratulate you and look forward to your next effort.
/matt
16mm short
Hello Mattias,
First off, thanks very much for taking the time to give me some feedback. Number two; well, i'm the guilty party regarding the sound design since I had no help on this one. I probably should've went all the way, but i shot the film totally silent so you can imagine the burn-out factor.
At this point I am leaving it as a completed work, but I appreciate your critique and observations.
best to you in sweden, home of my favorite filmmaker I.B.
First off, thanks very much for taking the time to give me some feedback. Number two; well, i'm the guilty party regarding the sound design since I had no help on this one. I probably should've went all the way, but i shot the film totally silent so you can imagine the burn-out factor.
At this point I am leaving it as a completed work, but I appreciate your critique and observations.
best to you in sweden, home of my favorite filmmaker I.B.
I have many of the same complaints. The sound really needs work, the
foley sounds very studioish and the levels are off. The narration was too
quiet and the piano would come in very very loud at times. Perhaps that
was the intent? If so it just made me reach for the volume dial. As
mentioned inconsistant foley is distracting.
Outdoors shots looked great but I wasn't so keen on the interiors. The
shadows were hard and not lit in an interesting way. However I
realize you probably didn't have much of budget or crew, it looked
very practical which is okay but I love the cool shading you can get with
B&W so I was dissapointed. CU were fine it was just with the wide shots
in the toliet and living room where I kept looking at that ugly shadow
which didn't seem natural to me.
Credits were nice but I didn't dig the fancy company logo at the begining.
I dunno it just seems a little too slick and pretentious for a little short
film but I think of that of most logos used by the big film companies too!
Interesting work though, I will be looking at your other projects that are
on your site.
foley sounds very studioish and the levels are off. The narration was too
quiet and the piano would come in very very loud at times. Perhaps that
was the intent? If so it just made me reach for the volume dial. As
mentioned inconsistant foley is distracting.
Outdoors shots looked great but I wasn't so keen on the interiors. The
shadows were hard and not lit in an interesting way. However I
realize you probably didn't have much of budget or crew, it looked
very practical which is okay but I love the cool shading you can get with
B&W so I was dissapointed. CU were fine it was just with the wide shots
in the toliet and living room where I kept looking at that ugly shadow
which didn't seem natural to me.
Credits were nice but I didn't dig the fancy company logo at the begining.
I dunno it just seems a little too slick and pretentious for a little short
film but I think of that of most logos used by the big film companies too!
Interesting work though, I will be looking at your other projects that are
on your site.
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studiocarter
- Senior member
- Posts: 1573
- Joined: Wed May 01, 2002 1:13 pm
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA USA
- Contact:
Nice job. I liked it.
Sound levels are just like TV, i.e.. you constantly need to raise and lower them so as not to wake up the family while watching late at night. No one ever seems to make the sound on one level. Your music shocked me appropriately.
I can tell you never worked in a Cemetery before. The grave and headstone should be fresh (perhaps still mounded) dirt and new granite, not a flat grass plot and a 100 year old moldy marble stone.
Streaming video worked great, It has come a long way.
What it's about could have a hint at the beginning such as a photo of your Dad stuck on a mirror or in a frame on a table, just as a hint of something.
I like your web site, too.
Michael Carter
Sound levels are just like TV, i.e.. you constantly need to raise and lower them so as not to wake up the family while watching late at night. No one ever seems to make the sound on one level. Your music shocked me appropriately.
I can tell you never worked in a Cemetery before. The grave and headstone should be fresh (perhaps still mounded) dirt and new granite, not a flat grass plot and a 100 year old moldy marble stone.
Streaming video worked great, It has come a long way.
What it's about could have a hint at the beginning such as a photo of your Dad stuck on a mirror or in a frame on a table, just as a hint of something.
I like your web site, too.
Michael Carter
I liked it, too.
But I don´t agree about the critique on your sound work. I found the incompleteness quite appropriate. Sort of complements the incomplete feelings of the protagonist. And thus it made perfect sense to me that some of the things, like the alcohol, did get sound. A complete and brushed up soundtrack would have rendered most of the scenes too realistic and boring. Also the harsh cutting of ambiences is OK and has a dramatic reason. I don´t agree that you loose the audience by this, I would say it´s the other way round.
I like the music, great chords. But I hated the music on the sucide scene in the beginning. Too much horror cliche. The chords you use in the rest of the film would have been stronger.
I agree about the lack of information in the first half. I also would have liked to get some more clue about the 'why'.
I also agree about the logo in the beginning. Much too long and cocky.
If you think of revising it some time, think about the form.
My two cent.
Bests,
- Mathis
But I don´t agree about the critique on your sound work. I found the incompleteness quite appropriate. Sort of complements the incomplete feelings of the protagonist. And thus it made perfect sense to me that some of the things, like the alcohol, did get sound. A complete and brushed up soundtrack would have rendered most of the scenes too realistic and boring. Also the harsh cutting of ambiences is OK and has a dramatic reason. I don´t agree that you loose the audience by this, I would say it´s the other way round.
I like the music, great chords. But I hated the music on the sucide scene in the beginning. Too much horror cliche. The chords you use in the rest of the film would have been stronger.
I agree about the lack of information in the first half. I also would have liked to get some more clue about the 'why'.
I also agree about the logo in the beginning. Much too long and cocky.
If you think of revising it some time, think about the form.
My two cent.
Bests,
- Mathis
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mattias
- Posts: 8356
- Joined: Wed May 15, 2002 1:31 pm
- Location: Gubbängen, Stockholm, Sweden
- Contact:
i see what you're saying, but i don't quite agree. you need to really know what you're doing to be able to pull off a stunt like that. this time it felt more like sloppy work. sorry.mathis wrote:I found the incompleteness quite appropriate.
yes, volume is a good tool. although i think you should compress it more and use a peak limiter on stuff meant for the web. it can sound just as loud without waking the neighbors and saturating the cheap speakers.Because volume is a dramatic parameter you would loose.
/matt
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matt5791
- Senior member
- Posts: 1062
- Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2003 2:46 pm
- Location: Birmingham, England
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I really enjoyed it - got me interested from the begining. I liked the choice of lenses and camera angle certainly in the interiors, the exteriors, specifically by the lake, came over possibly rather plain.
Overall I really thought it was excellent though - and I find that it really takes a lot to get me interested these days from some reason.
What I would be really interested in is which:
film stock
Camera
Lenses
telecine method
Editing method / software
Matt
Overall I really thought it was excellent though - and I find that it really takes a lot to get me interested these days from some reason.
What I would be really interested in is which:
film stock
Camera
Lenses
telecine method
Editing method / software
Matt
Birmingham UK.
http://www.wells-photography.co.uk
Avatar: Kenneth Moore (left) with producers (centre) discussing forthcoming film to be financed by my grandfather (right) C.1962
http://www.wells-photography.co.uk
Avatar: Kenneth Moore (left) with producers (centre) discussing forthcoming film to be financed by my grandfather (right) C.1962
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audadvnc
- Senior member
- Posts: 2079
- Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 11:15 pm
- Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Comments? OK -
You've got that G*&^%! hair in the gate - it comes and goes all the way through. After a while I couldn't see anything else. But it does add to the dramatic tension - will it be there next shot? And where -lower corner, right side, top? Buy an orange stick & clean that gate.
Did you plan your choice of handheld vrs tripod by scene? The stillness of the bathroom death shot is deflated by wobbly camera moves. Same with restaraunt shots. Tripod & motionless camera setups can bring a feeling of cool detachment to a scene and provide contrast with the POV's.
You might have used a soft fill light in the living room scenes to cut down on secondary shadow.
Nice piano accompaniment, but as already mentioned it overpowers the voice.
The establishing shot of trees & sky had a nice washed out look; I expected a memory scene. But the shots with the girl didn't continue that look. Consider scrims/gels/netting on the lens to soften images in that section.
Makeup - on the death mask POV's in suicide scene was too blatant - perhaps if you changed the lighting or film stock to make the image less realistic. A body holds 2 quarts of blood; I'd expect to see more blood in the sink from a mortal razor slash wound.
Old news photos? Hitler & the rest? Death & destruction - Well, yeah, but what do they have to do with your character, or anything else in the film? There's no tie-in; they're gratuitus cameo shots.
But hey - you did it! Congratulations. On to the next project.
You've got that G*&^%! hair in the gate - it comes and goes all the way through. After a while I couldn't see anything else. But it does add to the dramatic tension - will it be there next shot? And where -lower corner, right side, top? Buy an orange stick & clean that gate.
Did you plan your choice of handheld vrs tripod by scene? The stillness of the bathroom death shot is deflated by wobbly camera moves. Same with restaraunt shots. Tripod & motionless camera setups can bring a feeling of cool detachment to a scene and provide contrast with the POV's.
You might have used a soft fill light in the living room scenes to cut down on secondary shadow.
Nice piano accompaniment, but as already mentioned it overpowers the voice.
The establishing shot of trees & sky had a nice washed out look; I expected a memory scene. But the shots with the girl didn't continue that look. Consider scrims/gels/netting on the lens to soften images in that section.
Makeup - on the death mask POV's in suicide scene was too blatant - perhaps if you changed the lighting or film stock to make the image less realistic. A body holds 2 quarts of blood; I'd expect to see more blood in the sink from a mortal razor slash wound.
Old news photos? Hitler & the rest? Death & destruction - Well, yeah, but what do they have to do with your character, or anything else in the film? There's no tie-in; they're gratuitus cameo shots.
But hey - you did it! Congratulations. On to the next project.
16mm short
wow. this is a lot to digest. thanks for all the critique. many points for me to consider. i will not be using that logo for presentation. i have been feeling uncomfortable with it for some time and your opinions helped me.
when making something deliberately rough one always runs the risk of the work being interpreted as sloppy, however it is THE FILTH and shall not be clean. MOST of what i have done is deliberate; some of the foley issues are do to my laziness and eagerness to complete it.
i will keep working at it for future projects. your opinions have helped out quite a bit. thanks very much.
oh...technical:
camera - Krasnogorsk K3
filmstock - ilford hp5
lenses - 50mm pentacon f1.8, 8mm peleng f3.5, 17-69mm meteor f1.9
rank transfer at cinelab in boston to miniDV
final cut pro
when making something deliberately rough one always runs the risk of the work being interpreted as sloppy, however it is THE FILTH and shall not be clean. MOST of what i have done is deliberate; some of the foley issues are do to my laziness and eagerness to complete it.
i will keep working at it for future projects. your opinions have helped out quite a bit. thanks very much.
oh...technical:
camera - Krasnogorsk K3
filmstock - ilford hp5
lenses - 50mm pentacon f1.8, 8mm peleng f3.5, 17-69mm meteor f1.9
rank transfer at cinelab in boston to miniDV
final cut pro
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steve hyde
- Senior member
- Posts: 2259
- Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2004 1:57 am
- Real name: Steve Hyde
- Location: Seattle
- Contact:
Steve,
Thanks for sharing your film. I was not distracted by the hair or the
sound. (I watched it on a computer monitor with internal speakers) I
thought your film was nicely photographed On a K3!!!- no less. And that is just fucking cool. The sound was fine and the compression came through smooth on my side of the globe. Well done....
If you wanted to convey "the Filth" of depression, I suppose it's a mission acomplished. A bit samey though. This story has circulated before. I am not of the opinion that every film needs to have a resolution, especially when that resolution comes at the cost of truth ,like the movie "Ray" that I just saw, which ended in a bunch of American flag waving in my opinion, but I really found myself wanting a resolution in the end of "The Filth". I guess I just felt like being taken through "the Filth" is one thing, but being left there is something else. Perhaps I should reveal my own bias and say that I love a good tragic comedy. Comedy without tragedy doesn't make sense to me and I suppose tragedy without comedy doesn't make sense to me either... It is this out look on life that keeps me from sticking my own head in the toilet..
I'm not sure if this helps, but I hope it does. I'll look forward to seeing your next work.
Cheers,
Steve Hyde
Thanks for sharing your film. I was not distracted by the hair or the
sound. (I watched it on a computer monitor with internal speakers) I
thought your film was nicely photographed On a K3!!!- no less. And that is just fucking cool. The sound was fine and the compression came through smooth on my side of the globe. Well done....
If you wanted to convey "the Filth" of depression, I suppose it's a mission acomplished. A bit samey though. This story has circulated before. I am not of the opinion that every film needs to have a resolution, especially when that resolution comes at the cost of truth ,like the movie "Ray" that I just saw, which ended in a bunch of American flag waving in my opinion, but I really found myself wanting a resolution in the end of "The Filth". I guess I just felt like being taken through "the Filth" is one thing, but being left there is something else. Perhaps I should reveal my own bias and say that I love a good tragic comedy. Comedy without tragedy doesn't make sense to me and I suppose tragedy without comedy doesn't make sense to me either... It is this out look on life that keeps me from sticking my own head in the toilet..
I'm not sure if this helps, but I hope it does. I'll look forward to seeing your next work.
Cheers,
Steve Hyde
