The Script for 'Guillotines'

[mattias]

the stakes are low? I thought I couldn't ramp them up much higher!

well, since he has little to lose it doesn't matter how bad his situation is. it's the gap between the several possible outcomes that determines how much is at stake. the plot points of any drama occur when these possible outcomes change. you have a strong second plot point before the resolution, but the first is weak.

/matt

[npcoombs]

the stakes are low? I thought I couldn't ramp them up much higher!

well, since he has little to lose it doesn't matter how bad his situation is. it's the gap between the several possible outcomes that determines how much is at stake. the plot points of any drama occur when these possible outcomes change. you have a strong second plot point before the resolution, but the first is weak.

/matt

funny but I thought the first part was much stronger and the second part becomes an arbitrary action/chess game. Surely character exposition is not a lost cinematic tool?

[mattias]

funny but I thought the first part was much stronger and the second part becomes an arbitrary action/chess game. Surely character exposition is not a lost cinematic tool?

you're right. character and content are stronger in the first part. the drama is not.

as for dp'ing, i'm always interested. let me know.

/matt

[npcoombs]

My pitch for the funding:

GUILLOTINES (Better title anyone?)


“Guillotines” is the story of hope lost and hope regained told through the story of a prisoner who is rescued from certain death.

Set during the French revolution this film questions the ethics of capital punishment and violent revolution with an economical and atmospheric mis-en-scene involving three compelling characters: The prisoner, the jailer and the saviour.

Synopsis
In a passage in Dostoyevsky’s ‘The Idiot’ Prince Myshkin is forced to respond to the claim of the humaneness of the guillotine. In a striking speech he describes how a man sentenced to death at the guillotine faces the worst torture of all though the loss of hope and the foreknowledge of certain death.

From this passage is the inspiration of ‘Guillotines’, a story set during the reign-of-terror of the French Revolution, but speaking of timeless ethical and moral dilemmas.

These questions are embodied in a tight mis-en-scene in which a jailer is transporting a recently discovered aristocrat to his execution in a horse pulled jail-cart. During this journey the cart is intercepted by another aristocrat who attempts to buy the prisoner from the jailer for his own unscrupulous ends. However, when this mysterious buyer betrays the jailer and the rescue attempt becomes clear, the prisoner glimpses hope and is forced to make a stark moral choice between his own sense of right and his will to survive.

Aesthetics
Period details are kept to a minimum through the entire story taking place in the countryside. There are subtle suggestions of the time through costume details and certain props, including the central horse pulled jailed cart and stoked rifles. But otherwise this is a stripped down interpretation of a period-piece, excising the usual fussy attention to detail in big-budget productions within the genre.

Aesthetically the use of a single mis-en-scene involving the interior of the cart and the space surrounding the cart allows for a very professional, but contained shoot where the atmosphere will be ramped up via the use of chiaroscuro lighting and heavy rainfall.

In order to capture the scene in a powerful way, the shots will be composed of static camera, on platforms up to 10ft in height, and through dolly shots running up to 25ft in length. This will provide visual interest to the contained, single location and fit the overall mood.

Use of a single fast wide-angle prime and a fast, medium focal length prime will allow shooting in relatively low light and can create a shallow depth of field when needed, alongside providing an aesthetic rigor to the production.

[steve hyde]

...the how and why for hope is still unclear to me. At the outset you say that the film is an exploration of hope lost and hope regained, but then you give no clear indication of how your story shows this...

Steve

[steve hyde]

the stakes are low? I thought I couldn't ramp them up much higher!

The exterior stakes are high: being taken to execution. but the internal stakes are low: Who is this prisoner and why should we care? What are the internal conflicts going on with this man? What does he hope for? Why does he hope for it?

Steve

[npcoombs]

I haven't written the second draft yet, but I am making major changes in order to turn this wordy treatise into a film.

The character of the aristocrat saviour I am going to excise completely, it will just be the prisoner, jailer and driver. This is because I am limited to 8 minutes and to introduce a character half way through is just too crowded.

The prisoner is going to be based on Prince Myschkin and will literally be 'The Idiot' from Dostoeyevsky's book.

The jailer and the prisoner/prince will both be protagonists and antogonists (relationally), although the emphasis is on the jailer in this draft and the breaking down of his conviction of the rightness of the killing and the philosophical veneer of his motives.

The central plot device is that the carriage driver allows the prince to escape and it transpires the jailer will be punished or even killed for letting the Prince escape in transit. He threatens to kill the driver who is of a lower class even than the jailer. The prince's curiosity and sense of right means that he stays just out of sight to watch and when he sees the rifle aimed at the driver he returns to the carriage in a move that the prince considers will seal his fate again. When he returns the distraught jailer cannot believe the Prince has returned and is so touched he cannot decide whether to jail the Prince again or let him run.

This way both men are forced to make stark moral choices that reconcile them. Knowing that for the Prince the guillotine is the ultimate cruelty the jailer instead shoots the Prince dead.

**** I wanted this film to be pro-revolutionary and justify the killings, but I cannot help letting the film undermine the violence****

[Evan Kubota]

"**** I wanted this film to be pro-revolutionary and justify the killings, but I cannot help letting the film undermine the use of the guilloine****"

As it should be - it was a ridiculous time with ridiculous trappings, and every film set in that period has pretty much broken down the sustainability of any attempt to justify the excesses of the revolution.

The new draft sounds interesting but I liked the aristocrat character. Why not reduce it to the prisoner, jailer (who also drives the carriage) and the aristocrat? Then you have a classic one on one that becomes a three-way interaction at the end. I think that's stronger than leaving some of the characters as essentially proxies (the driver) who the audience is still supposed to feel sympathy for when they die.

It's interesting that your jailer is not a simple grubby peasant, but I'm not sure how well any attempt at a discourse from that character will come across.

Maybe make the prince more active, seeking to convince the jailer to let him live (this brings in the dynamic of the upper class confronting the 'populace' proper). The aristocrat arrives and offers the prince the chance to kill the jailer and 'earn' his freedom. The prisoner refuses and is led away by the jailer to certain death.

[npcoombs]

The new draft sounds interesting but I liked the aristocrat character. Why not reduce it to the prisoner, jailer (who also drives the carriage) and the aristocrat?

Yes so do I (I see him as a Daniel Day Lewis 'Bill the Butcher' type completely overwhelming all the other characters) but I am worried the film will be a farce with so many characters squeezing in, and making the Prince kill the jailer sounds credible in a short story by Chekov, but in film might seem ridiculous.

I am also concerned to not just have lots of scenes of people standing about talking. I like the Prince escaping because it allows more cinematic moments.

This is a nightmare, I want to hire a screenwriter.

[steve hyde]

...Stick with it. Hiring a screenwriter would be a different experience all together. It's a short..Who hires a sceenwriter to write a short??

Based on what you wrote it sounds like you have made some good choices. I thought the aristocrat character added too many dynamics for a short-form script and in general I think one or two characters make the most robust character-driven shorts. I like the idea of having the prisoner return to save the driver. That speaks volumes about his character. I will be interested to see how you set that up.

Steve

[npcoombs]

Fairly inevitable this but my rejection letter arrived today

The main
> reason we did not support the project was that this was a period drama
> which we did not feel could be effectively achieved within the size of
> the available budget. We note your statement that you would overcome
> this by placing the action in a rain drenched film but we felt that this
> would only emphasise that the budget had not been sufficient to support
> a period drama.

Although this was my mian fear as to why they would reject this project this is more due to the ludicrously low expectations on the Digital Shorts Scheme (films that get funded for £5K look to me like I could have shot them for free in an afternoon) than unrealistically high expectations of what can be accomplished on my beahlf.

Also thematically what I suggested was a million miles away from the dross they usually commission: 'cod-social parabyles with a moral sting in the tail' and the like...

My response:

Dear xxxxx,

Thank you for the notification and for considering my project.

However, I would be interested to know why you feel the budget of up to £8K would not cover the production costs, since even at my most cautious estimates I did not envisage that this film would run to more than £6K?

I would also like to make clear that the rainy, field setting was not chosen for reasons of economy. The isolated, claustrophobic setting was chosen deliberately to universalise the themes and to allow the isolation to draw the focus inwards to the characters, rather than outwards to historical pastiche (as in most period dramas). It is a deliberate aesthetic choice, although one which is admittedly at odds with the British conventions for the genre.

If you have the time in the coming weeks I would like to take up the opportunity, which you kindly offered in your email, to discuss the project and your decision. Are you happy to take calls at any time?

Many thanks.

Yours Sincerely,
Nathan Coombs

So it looks like if its going to happen it will have to be self funded. I just wonder if I have the energy, time or money to do it without a line producer assisting me?

[steve hyde]

Thanks for sharing your rejection :? I personally think you would make a better film if you produce it yourself. Two ideas come to mind for me:

1) do the time period rain idea and finish it in black and white

or

2) develop the idea in a contemporary setting. (like the United States)

The second idea is a writing challenge and the first one is a production challenge.

good luck with it,

Steve

[Evan Kubota]

Bleh.

Why not write a 'cod-social parable' like you described, submit that, then use the funding to make your intended project? Polish directors used to do this all the time in the 70s. How else can you get the state to fund films that are explicitly critical of it?

I was trying to think if the project could work in a contemporary setting. The only plausible environment where larger life/death issues can be hashed out in the 20th/21st century is the battlefield (or prison). That said, it doesn't have the same credibility/fit as placing it in the French revolution.

I'll send out your DVD tomorrow morning, BTW.

[steve hyde]

Bleh.

Why not write a 'cod-social parable' like you described, submit that, then use the funding to make your intended project? Polish directors used to do this all the time in the 70s. How else can you get the state to fund films that are explicitly critical of it?

I was trying to think if the project could work in a contemporary setting. The only plausible environment where larger life/death issues can be hashed out in the 20th/21st century is the battlefield (or prison). That said, it doesn't have the same credibility/fit as placing it in the French revolution.

I'll send out your DVD tomorrow morning, BTW.

Exactally: Prison. That is why I suggest the United States..Lots of incarceration and capital punishment here. 8O

[Evan Kubota]

I think the definitive film about facing execution and passing through the maw of the 'justice' system has already been done. Check out 'A Short Film about Killing' or the shorter version, Dekalog 5.

Anyway, who would play the aristocrat? Johnny Depp? Paul Giamatti as the jailer/driver? Adrien Brody as the Prisoner? Sorry, too much scotch and a shoot tomorrow 8O