Message from a girl...

[Vortron]

Hi,

I wanted to get some comments on this short film...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lBpuG5FqV8


be gentle!

[unit22]

Not a helluva lot to it, but paced pretty well.

Short, sweet and one of my favorites: Complete!
I like how it wasn't actually the cliche it leaned towards.

[Plastik]

…Complete!
I like how it wasn't actually the cliche it leaned towards.

I agree. To be honest though, it's not the sort of short film that leaves much for a second or third viewing. The film is pretty much based around the surprise element at the end.

[BK]

:roll:

Bill

[drsanchez]

I agree. To be honest though, it's not the sort of short film that leaves much for a second or third viewing. The film is pretty much based around the surprise element at the end.

So? Is that your response when someone tells you a joke, too?

[mattias]

The film is pretty much based around the surprise element at the end.

So? Is that your response when someone tells you a joke, too?

a good joke has a punchline that refers back to and either reverses or confirms the setup, makes you think. the same with movies. i haven't seen this one though since i'm not on broadband right now.

/matt

[BigBeaner]

It's not bad. I think you could cut two minutes out of this and it'll be better as the length just draws out the joke. It really doesn't have to be five minutes long it can be short and still get the same feeling of length and thought just from the long cuts. Think like a commercial.

You can really go back and add a ton of more sound to this though instead of the same car/cars driving by that you have looping. Some birds, a horn, kids or people talking very low, anything else.

[super8man]

Reminds me of how most of humanity in Washington State yelled for a jumper to jump from a bridge since it was holding up the AM rush hour.

[johnnhud]

Reminds me of how most of humanity in Washington State yelled for a jumper to jump from a bridge since it was holding up the AM rush hour.

Hey, the whole world can't stop just because some jerk is depressed! I got a 10:30am and the freeway is jammed!

[Lunar07]

Hi,

I wanted to get some comments on this short film...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lBpuG5FqV8


be gentle!

I have to say: Very very nice! Beautiful tension. This is not about the end and the twist, but also about the posing of both characters.
I like this piece without any added sounds. The quiet low background noise adds to the pointed exchange of glances between the two characters. Good work! I for one viewed it more than once!

[mattias]

ok, i've seen it now. some swedish music is always nice to hear, and i actually think the buildup was very good. i liked the acting and the editing, the cinematography and the mood in general.

so that was the gentle part; i'm gonna be brutally honest with you now since somebody has to be, i don't mind being considered a prick as regulars here know, and who knows maybe you'll thank me later when you're accepting your first academy award.

the twist ending told me absolutely nothing, and it's not very funny either. as a matter of fact these films (no, it's not even close to unique unfortunately) make me a bit angry both because i feel cheated and because i think it's such a waste of time, energy and money, in this case talent too apparently, which in turn is even more provoking. i'm not sure if you should be happy that i think you have talent or mad because i think your film sucks. your call. ;-)

/matt

[wado1942]

Active zooming is the tell-tale sign of "home movie". I'd cut around the zooming shots. Aside from that I thought it was OK.

[super8man]

This was "video" right? Seemed like it to me - obviously due to the long shots. If they shot this on film, they would be much more disciplined. Sort of what Mattias is getting at - in the end it was pointless. I felt like it was a Geiko commercial and that the tag line was: "Gieko. Saving you money one policy at a time."

The larger issue here is that thanks to everything these days, there is no time spent on learning "craft." So, we get stuff like this instead.

It's all been done before. I'm waiting for something new. Me and Ron Jeremy. Hahaha...

Mike

[Plastik]

So? Is that your response when someone tells you a joke, too?

I don't understand what's wrong with what I said. We were asked to state our thoughts and I did. I don't believe I said anything negative.
There are plenty of films (especially short films) which rely on the surprise factor at the end - this one isn't any different. I'm not stating whether this is a good or a bad thing.

I thought the film was fine. If you read my post carefully you would already know that.

[fogo]

Hey Vortron, how did u manage to get the rights to use such great music, cos as the entire punch of ur movie is based around someone elses creative work u must have done that right?

Ok OK, not very gentle I know, and its not really ur fault that uve created something to work on a medium (Utube ) which appears to me to be based on the principle of combining work which is given freely with something else which is taken freely, the latter sadly usually being the best bit..my view of this is that this only adds to the sense of being cheated here that Mat, quite rightly I think, refers to...but there is of course, more cheating going on here and thats why it didnt really work for me, and thats cos the bit worth exploring, ie why and how the girl changes her response is not dealt with Be careful someone else doesnt steal this set piece of yours for there own story, theres a few here whod kill for a good story at present! If you could deal with that in 5 minutes and combine it with the quality of the technical side that i think you are starting to get right, this would be a wonderful little movie....trouble is, moving from this particular A to B is the difficult bit

Thanks for posting
Ade